Asking For Help!

ASKING FOR HELP.

I can't even tell you what a huge shift I saw in my life when I started learning to ASK for what I needed! It sounds so simple, but to this day I have such a hard time asking for help! So here I am, telling you, just in case you need to hear it: if you need help or even if you just want help, ask for help!

There is skill to asking for help and it takes practice! I'm still practicing it and learning it! Here's a tip to get you started: be specific! Ask a specific person for help with a specific, finite thing. It's so easy to feel overwhelmed and to go around vaguely complaining to everyone in your life that you feel like you're not getting the help and support you need. I'm willing to bet there are people in your life who would love to help you! But the problem is, they are most likely not able to magically read your mind! They don't know how to best help you until you ask them in a concrete, specific way. Instead of "I always need help!" How about saying "could you give me a ride to the grocery store on Thursday?" And yes, you need to be prepared that the answer might not always be yes, but that doesn't mean they hate you and you are worthless! It just means they are busy or can't make time *this time.* More than likely, if they can't say yes, they will counter with another offer of help or simply apologize and encourage you to ask again next time.

There are a couple of other skills that make asking for help feel easier. One is boundaries and practicing saying no to people. That may sound counterintuitive, but once you realize that it's not a big deal to tell someone "no," you will feel so much more comfortable asking people for help, because you know they can always say no if it doesn't work for them! Another aspect to this is learning to gracefully receive help, which can be super uncomfortable if you're not used to it! Especially if you struggle with self worth it feeling deserving. Practice saying: "Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help with this." That's it! People enjoy helping out their loved ones, so giving them an opportunity to be there for you is really a gift to both of you!

Do you have a hard time asking for help? What has made it easier? What blocks do you encounter? Tell me all about it in the comments!

Need more support? Book a coaching or tarot session with me! Reach out anytime!

Rest.

I recently read the book "Wintering," by Katherine May. May's thesis is that it is not only totally ok, but even appropriate and normal to retreat and rest during hard times. We need to internalize this! It is our duty to normalize this reaction for the next person that experiences it. We need to model this behavior for everyone who hits hard times. They need to know it's ok to rest. Retreat. Reassess. Step back. Take a time out. For as long as they fucking need!

This is not a normal year. Ok??? Ok. I've had so many conversations with people recently who bemoan the progress they haven't made this past year. This time has hit everyone SO differently. Those of us who are lucky enough to have fairly stable housing-- maybe even income-- are still feeling it, too. Maybe you've gained a few pounds, maybe you've had to dip into savings. You haven't made the progress you had planned, whether in your career, relationships, or creative journey. In fact, if you are a human on this earth and you have met or exceeded your goals from Jan 2020, please contact me bc I have QUESTIONS.

ANYWAY!

The point is, it's not a normal time y'all! This year doesn't count! Maybe that's oversimplifying but I believe it! If you have made it through the past year without causing intentional harm to yourself or others I WILL THROW YOU A FUCKING PARADE! You deserve it! This year has been incredibly hard. We, as a group, are experiencing massive trauma on a scale not seen in any of our lifetimes. Did you hear me?? You need to find as many ways as possible to rest, rest, retreat, hide, chill, recuperate, and rest some more. Whatever you want to call it. Do it.

See your to do list? I want you to chop off half of it. Better yet, choose at most 1-3 things to focus on and get rid of the rest. Seriously. Take at least one day a week where you have absolutely no obligations. No being productive allowed during this time! Rest, play, read, sleep, eat, watch tv, wander your neighborhood. Nothing from your to do list. You're gonna have worse days where you need to retreat even further. Pick out 2-3 acts of self care and have them ready to go on those days. A hot bath with a nice essential oil and a book or podcast. A special tea or treat you have for just those occasions. A favorite ice cream that you keep stashed to accompany your favorite guilty pleasure show or movie. Literally make a list and have everything prepared. Because those days will come for like no reason.

Except it is for a reason. We are all in the middle of a long winter, we have been (in this country) since March (in other places even longer). Spring will come. It is on its way, but it's not here yet. So reset your expectations, especially for yourself. Find new ways to take care of yourself. Get cozy, whatever that means to you. Spring will come again.

Need more support? Book a tarot or coaching session with Zoe!

Goals + Intentions

I think it’s safe to say that we may not have accomplished all of our 2020 goals exactly in the way that we had hoped. Right? Can we agree on that? If you are currently on the ground laughing (ahem, crying) hysterically, yes, I get it. This is probably the understatement of the century.

Still! Just because there is sooooo much that’s unknown and out of our control doesn’t mean we can’t work with goals and intentions. I could argue that goals and intentions are more important than ever, since these days it's soooo easy to feel like you’re flailing wildly about or want to hide under the covers waiting for it all to go away (both of those activities are 100% valid, btw.)

How can we find goals and intentions to support us as we transition into 2021? Things that will make us feel Good not Bad? A goal doesn’t have to mean setting an impossible standard that you can never live up to. What about a compassionate, loving goal and intention that helps guide your process, filter out what's not working, and focuses on what sustains you? Just because the world is fucked doesn’t mean our life stops. That said, our lives have changed drastically, and it’s important to keep that in mind when thinking about goals and intentions.

What are goals and intentions anyway? How are they the same or different? Goals are extremely useful in CREATING A PLAN. A goal is an external measure, something you can work backwards from. If your goal is to write a book, you can work backwards and figure out quarterly, monthly, weekly, and even daily action items that will lead you to that overarching goal. Maybe the first step is to sign up for a class, find a writing group, or write 500 words a day. Then the goal for this month could be to write the first chapter, form an outline, or settle on a genre. Even if you don’t end up reaching the overarching goal within a specific amount of time (say, a year) you will have taken so many steps on the path that you'll be in a completely different place with the process. You will grow and learn along the way, and will likely be at least close to the goal or have a lot more information about how to get there. Amazing! A goal helps us implement actions into our lives that help us along our path.

Intention is a more internal tool, and one that moves you forward. Instead of working backwards to discover action items and create framework, an intention is a seed you plant within and return to as needed. Intentions for me are more focused on how I want to be. Maybe my intention is to simplify; then when I’m feeling stressed or at loose ends, I can return to that intention and center myself on it. If I’m making a choice, I can easily see which one fits with my intention. This can range from every choices like getting dressed and deciding what to make for dinner to bigger decisions such as focusing my creative work on fewer projects that I will tend to with more depth. If I set myself up with an intention, my life starts to align itself towards it.

Intentions and goals are similar and linked, but in a way they are opposite. One works from the outside in, the other from the inside out. Neither are hard and fast measures to discern our value by how well we achieve or embody them. Both are designed as a tool for self guidance, so we have a bit more of an understanding of what’s important to us, what to focus on, and how to get in alignment with our purpose.

How do you think about goals and intentions? How has that changed or evolved in the last year? What are some of your goals and intentions for 2021?

Want to dig deeper? Now booking personalized goal and intention setting sessions. Email to book.

New Year Sessions:

Goals and Intentions to Guide your Transition to 2021

Reflect on your experience of 2020 and create loving, aligned goals to guide your journey into 2021.

An intuitive goal and intention setting session to help guide you into 2021 with self love, awareness, and clarity. A tarot reading to help unpack and process what you’ve been through, where you are now, and how to think about the future. 

Start Before You're Ready

Seven years ago I was depressed, in an abusive relationship with alcohol, and completely out of touch with my passion and purpose. I felt utterly lost and disconnected from any sort of path, and spent most of my time numbing out that pain.

Since then I have performed in three festivals, my photography has appeared in a magazine, and my writing has been featured in a book. I've attended the Academy of Burlesque and graduated from the Clown Conservatory. I’ve reconnected with old passions and discovered new ones. I've taken many classes, worked on many projects, met many amazing people, performed in many shows. Oh yeah and I’ve been sober 6+ years. I've had numerous different teachers along the way, all who specialized in their own particular discipline, medium, or field. What I itched for was a mentor; someone to take me under their wing, tell me what I was good at, show me the way, even just the next tiny step. Instead I sorted and sifted through many classes, books, articles, and podcasts. I interrogated friends, artists, professionals, and anyone else I could corner. I had false starts, took copious wrong turns, got lost as fuck, made many many many new "master plans," laughed as I completely changed them, and also cried. I stopped and started and stopped and started and stopped and started and stopped (and started). A lot. The process has never been easy or smooth, but I have learned SO MUCH y'all. As I learned about creativity and how to forge that difficult path, I also grew up. I learned about life, how to be a human, and what kind of human I wanted to be. Life lessons and creative lessons all swirled together and became more intertwined than I ever expected. Turns out life itself is a creative pursuit.

We all know this year has been a bitch. Even the best laid plans— gone. The transformation and growth have continued nonetheless. This fall I received a message loud and clear: the mentor I'd been waiting for? That's me. And it's time to give back, to give what I didn't get, to reach out my hand and help others. I've been there, and it's time to share what I've learned.

The first lesson is: Start before you're ready.

Because you're never gonna be “ready." 

There will always be a reason to wait another day, until you can afford better equipment, have a better idea, are wiser, smarter, thinner.

But you're not gonna have a better idea until you get your hands dirty and work through your Right Now idea. I promise you don't need to wait until you have better equipment. You already have the most important tool: you. As my photography teacher said, "The best camera is always the one you have." Because without it, you can't take a damn photo! So don't wait until that perfect day in the future when you will magically be ready. Because if you do, you'll be waiting your whole damn life. Dive in today. Get your hands dirty. Take the first step. You got this.

Home. Coaching. Tarot.

Don’t wait one more day to start your life.